Miscellany – July

Whatever happened to the cut and thrust of electioneering? Goodness it’s just so full of sleaze – no wit to be found anywhere – except perhaps in that most unlikely place, trademe. There the new book on John Key has been written by NZ Herald columnist John Roughan. Sounds like a love-in and the irony is that it’s as if our leader who likes to commodify just about everything, is up for sale himself and the responses on trademe tell a story the polls don’t. Here’s a sample:

Q:Was the book published.. printed in NZ?? Supporting small business?   lumley9 (325)       10:38 pm, Thu 26 Jun

A: Printed in Australia by the grandchildren you waved goodbye to.      10:43 pm, Thu 26 Jun


Q: Really tempted to buy it – just so I can wipe my arse with it!!   m**s (203) 9:43 am, Fri 27 Jun

A: The book will promote that need.      10:07 am, Fri 27 Jun


Q: If I bid on this piece of 1/4 ply literary loo paper, could you tell me if it comes with a resignation letter from the slurring moneygrabbing life crusher too? Actually, come to think about it, I need all my money to pay to put food in my kids mouths, but I do need loo paper… forgot it tonight at Pak n Save… could I get a donation of a few pages? maybe the cover could do the whole family…lol    exhaustedmum (1292)

A: The PM considered resigning but sadly didn’t.


Q: Is it single or double ply?    donna_frock (62)        10:23 pm, Thu 26 Jun

A:  It’s half ply.       10:25 pm, Thu 26 Jun


Q: Sorry, good cause, but I’m afraid I might throw up when I open the package.    susandax (636)        10:44 pm, Thu 26 Jun

A: Wait until you read it.        10:47 pm, Thu 26 Jun


Q: When you say “unwanted gift from a smartarse.” , did John Key himself give it to you as a token gesture ?    forestgecko (235)        11:08 pm,  Thu 26 Jun

A: I don’t comment on matters of national security sorry.        11:13 pm, Thu 26 Jun


Q: There is far too much emotional clap-trap on this page. This book is actually really inspiring and make me want to be just like him. I would buy this but I already have 10 of my own copies. Signed Simon Bridges.    preggyg (345)            11:43 pm, Thu 26 Jun

A: With 11 copies you could tape them all together for the next time you go seal clubbing Simon.           11:47 pm, Thu 26 Jun


Q: Does it answer where he stood on the issue of the Springbok tour?    kowhai-rain (62) 12:46 am, Fri 27 Jun

A: There was a springbok tour?         12:47 am, Fri 27 Jun


And so it went, dozens and dozens of Kiwis taking the mickey and adding that long lost art to political debate – wit.


Bob Hope and James Cagney on the dance… table!

So skilful, so old fashioned, so unseen these days – at least from men.    Have a squiz at this 1955 dance routine by Bob Hope and James Cagney (remember them?!) http://videos2view.net/Hope-Cagney.htm


Legendary  (and beautiful?) lovers…

Ahh Antony! Corrr.. Cleo!  Celebrated beauties each one but unfortunately a close study of an ancient coin reveals a flipside, no pun intended. See them both at http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/tyne/6357311.stm


 Beef, prunes, pickle, cucumber… it was all there in one dish when IBM’s supercomputer Watson turned its hand to cooking, opening a food van at the SXSW festival in Austin, Texas. See http://www.bbc.com/news/technology-26480374


And also from the Beeb, news of this amazing advance in cancer treatment: http://www.bbc.com/news/technology-26984223.


Did we hear that right? Simon Cowell on Britain’s Got Talent saying ‘ I don’t mean to be rude but….’


And finally a last word on the Nats and their over-hyped conference in Auckland last week. Had the much reviled spirit of Sir Robert Muldoon awakened and was heard  talking through his mediums, National’s leading lights? Attorney General Chris Finlayson ‘attacked the Opposition and raised the spectre of a multi-headed Hydra that kept springing new heads’ according to the NZ Herald.   But Hydra has also been used to describe a challenge which seems to keep getting bigger and harder to handle and it doesn’t matter how hard somebody tries to metaphorically behead it.  So, oops! Hydra 1, (depending on the number of heads) Nats 2. Could there be just a little panic out there about the dreaded Hydra?

Bill English is probably the closest to fake Muldoonery and the old master would have patted him on the head for at least trying when he said the Greens were ‘vindictive and  dangerous’. Muldoon would have said something more pithy and personal of course, along the lines that the Greens were the unwashed armpit party… anything but English’s feeble, shouted attack. Finally the PM took the cake by telling us what we’ve all  known for years – that ‘the Greens have a whole two co-leaders  as part of some bizarre job sharing experiment’. Honestly.

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